A Roman In London (from Tokyo)

First of all, sorry about my insistent harassment.

Actually, after three years, I was about to forget you,
but when I saw your friend, I couldn't help remembering the atmosphere of scholors, and you.
I also knew that you're going out with Ms.A, which was extremely shocking to me.

I thought about how I can reminde you of me,
but didn’t want to say good bye.
So, when your mail stopped, I despaired.
I wanted to keep you myside. Then, the story of lawsuit.

However, hating someone for three years is unproductive, and, just tiring.
I'm short of power to go on hating you.
Now, game is over. I forgive you. And I forget you. I won't mail you ever.
(It's a tough call because whenever depression is coming, I think about you.)

Just I want you to do is remembering that you chose your study,
leaving one girl's life disrupted.

Can you imagine that you can't go away from the curse of lost love?
Can you imagine that you can't love anyone for three years because of memory?
Can you imagine how you feel when your e-mails are just ignored?

Love and hate are blood relations.
When the love is strong, it becomes strong hate.

I've been struggling to forget you for three years, only to fail.

After the day I talked to human resources, I took the day off because of depression. I finally admited that I needed to take a rest.

I talked to my boss and decided to take one month off.
It was strange, I thougt, I want to work, but I can't because of my disease. And the disease is due to my ex-boyfriend I split up 3years ago.I mailed him to tell him that I'm going to file a lawsuit against him.
Ignored.
I mailed one of our friends, who was staying U.S. to study economics. I explaind the situation briefly, and asked him to my ex to reply to me.

And at last! I gotta reply, which is saying sorry.
However, how many "sorry" can my disease cured?

I know why this depression happened this time. I heard that my ex is going out with a Japanese woman, who was in the same class with him.
I was extremely shocked.

I still can't the curse of ex and I'm sure I can't go away. "Love and hate" are blood relations.

I had a meeting with the manager of Human Resources today. He recommended me to leave of absence. I explained that I'm getting betrer and don't want to leave. After some discussion, he permitted me to stay. Someone will check if I work 8hours a day, though.

I was shocked a little. I like my boss, Stephan, but he wanted me to leave and told human resources guys to order it to me. We discussed it yesterday, actually. I want more job but he doesn't allow me to do it because of my disease. He recommended me to go back to my hometown and take a rest. I don't want to.

I started to think of my Northen prince(job coach). He was nice, smart, and good-looking. I was happy when I was working with him next to him.

Not that I don't have any "prince" now, I have a boyfriend(who is being divorced), my new boss is good-looking and gentle, and from next week, new guy is coming from Osaka office and he is the cool one. Now, I'm writing to kill time because today I'll have dinner with a manager and I'm waiting for him, in the meeting now.Oh, I gotta mail from him! Now I'm going to see him.

Depression is hard these days. I couldn't even come to the office. My mom came to rescue me. She cooks, tidies up my room, and I'm getting better.
My job these days is mainly translation. My boss knows my condition and doesn't let me work harder. Once I come back, I'll be able to do more jobs. If it had not been for this desease...no, I shouldn't think about it. I have to get over it to do more interesting jobs with interesting people.

Can't remember what I actually did today...too busy. I took yesterday off because of the "big wave", depression, and luckily, I could get up early today.

I had a class with a co-woker. I'm teaching Business English to him on every Thursday. The lesson wasn't good, though, I was feeling bad. I went to healthcare centre and had a sleep.

I came back at 1 and had a lunch, Stephan, my boss, becked and I joined a meeting, not knowing what is the meeting for. It took more than two hours and they were talking about graphs I didn't understand at all.

After that, Stephan and I had a short meeting to "improve our job". Honestly, I don't have so much job and Stephan's task is just preparing for Monday meeting. It's not enough to work with for a week. I told him what I'm thinking about honestly and he understood.

He told me to join all of the meetings he'll have and I'll probably translate or take a minute. I'm getting busier.

I have a chronic disease, manic depression. Sometimes I have depression and can't do anything, sometimes I'm aggressive and feels that I can do everything. I call it "big waves" in my life. I take a pile of drugs everyday but it doesn't work well.

This time, aggression was awful. At the midnight, because of a sleeping pill, I'm not consciousness but I call millions of friends, including my senior worker.

In the morning, I don't remember anything, but I see my phone and surprised to know I've called lots of friends at the midnight.

I lost some friends because of the disease, but I have no way.

Anyway, the aggressive wave has gone and now the depression.

I managed to go to my office but couldn't do anything. I slept on the desk and everyone was worrying about me. I had no choice. I called my mother in my hometown and she kindly came to take care of me. It worked. She tidied up my room and made good dishes. It was a great help.

Today I could go to my office and could do my work without sleeping. It seems another wave has gone. I hope next one won't come soon.