I'm feeling very bad these days...feeling drowsy all the time, having a headache, and I feel faint when I think about something difficult. I couldn't even wake up yesterday and cancelled some appointments. Today I was in bed, couldn't wake up again, and wondered whether I would cancel today's English lesson or not. However, I wanted to see my teacher, Mike, so I managed to wake up and headed for his office. During the lesson, I felt that my English was worse than usual.
After the lesson, I rushed into a hospital near my house. The doctor said my sickness was not a cold but mental fatigue. "Did you do anything which made you tired?" thd doctor asked me, "you seem to be very tired." "I'm working hard with my thesis these days, and I don't like my research, actually." "That could be the reason, then."
I felt depressed. To graduate, I have to write more than 70pages, but I've written only 10 or something. I'm getting tired of it already and even have some physical problems.
On my way home, I received an e-mail from one of my female friends, who I avoid seeing these days. The reason why I avoid her is apparent if you see her e-mails.
"I started to go out with the guy I'd been keeping. He is just fantastic! I thank my ex, who dumped me☆"
"Congratulations. But you said you would never go out with the guy, since you've been with your ex for a year, asking him to go out with you again, right? Your ex must be shocked."
"That's true♪ To tell the truth, he finally said "yes" one week ago, and I was satisfied with that, which made me start something new."
Although it's usual for her to say such kind of thing, and I might have done the similar thing before, I lost words. If I were a man, I would never even talk to this girl. And as a woman...I don't want to keep a relationship with her any more. In Japan, there is a proverb which has the same meaning of "Birds of a feather flock together." in English. When I was enjoying love affairs like a game, I liked talking about them with her. However, as a woman trying to be independent, I won't do that again. I feel that my feather is being changed.