A Roman In London (from Tokyo)

I'm depressed a bit today. At the meeting of our department, I was totally at a loss. The head of the department is German(Stephan) and his English is quite nice, so English wasn't the problem.

People there(all Japanese, speaking poor English) have been working in this company for a long time and they fully understand the products and departments of the company. It's quite irregular that I'm here(I've been working for just a year).

They were talking about management of the company and the transform the institution of the company. Sometimes someone asked me to translate, but I couldn't. I couldn't.

I went back to the office but didn't feel like working any more. I couldn't stand just sitting there. I bought a ticket of cinema by the Internet and was about to leave.

Then, I saw Stephan walking. "I'm leaving", I said, "Have a good weekend!" he said. "You too!" "Thanks!" then he smiled. My depressing heart then melt. Japanese bosses never smile. Stephan is a wonderful boss. I wrote a thanks e-mail to him.

Now one of my co-workers called me and we're gonna drink together!

Everything has changed since the head of my department changed. He came from Germany(our company is German) and doesn't speak Japanese.

He picked me up to assist him as I was famous as an "English consultant", which means I can speak English.

How fantastic my life has changed! Stephan, my new boss, takes me to lots of important meetings including the most important one, the one being held at the president's office. The meeting members are all important managers and the funny thing is my job is to manage the managers.

They are supposed to send a updated document to me every Thursday and I'll send them a reminder. Stephan and I work with the documents on Fridays for the meeting on next Monday.

Stephan is probably around 40, cheerful, smart, and very tall man. He smiles at everyone and his joke is wonderful.

Today was the first day I didn't have a meeting with him since he came. I read documents about the transformation plan and learned a lot about the company.

I left the office at 5 and went shopping. Now I'm at a cafe in Akasaka. Nice, comfortable, sleepy...but I want to study more before I get home. Now I'm reading PNBOK, the most famous textbook about project management.

Not only my job, but also my life is clearly changing...something must happen. Something important is about to happen. I'm living for it.

I called him to let him know that I'm going to go to Nagoya(his city) to see him in July. His answer was odd.

"Well, I'lll be busy with my study and won't be able to spare time for you...You're working hard these days, right? You don't have to take your time just to see me."

That was enought to let me understand something. I asked him.

"What do you think about our relationship? Clearly, it isn't love. I'm 25 and I know how you think about me. We're adult, so let's make it clear that our relationship is just to have fun temporarily. I don't care, because I don't love you either."

He kept silent for a while. And started to talke.

"I'm sorry that I didn't clarify our relationship until now. Actually, I don't know if I can have a steady girlfriend or not. I've made my ex-girlfriend pregnant, and she got an abortion. She didn't want to marry me. After that, I haven't been able to have a steady relationship with anyone."

I said,
"I understand. I told you that you're the 21st guy I've had slept with. That's true. After my ex-boyfriend left, I even got mental disease and still I'm fighting with it. These three years, I slept with lots of guys and didn't have steady relationships with any of them. That's because I don't want to be hurt by anyone again.

Why don't we have an adult relationship without thinking or love or anything. We see each other when we want to and have fun together. If I sleep with someone else, you don't care. And vice versa."

He agreed.

About this, to be honest, I was disappointed a little and relieved at the same time. Of course I want to be loved by someone, so when I suspected he really thought of marrying me, I was happy. On the other hand, I was afraid of having a strong relationship with someone.

Now I know that I'm alone again but I can handle it because I'm independent. I don't depend on anything again. Never.

It was at the party I met him.

I was the only employee of the company and it was a casual party after a big official welcome party for potential employees, who will join us next spring.
Some potential employees, who are still students, were going to drink together and I joined them. We were more than ten.

He sat in front of me and said, "I'm lucky, I've got a great seat!". I laughed. We introduced ourselves to each other, and he said, "I'm Yo. I'll go out with Roman!" We laughed.

I took it as a joke at the time, but after that, he went on persuading me to go out with him, like this,
"Will you marry me?" he said, "Don't make fun of me." I replied.
After all, in the end, I had to admit I felt like knowing him more. We exchanged phone numbers. That was the beginning of everything.

"I want to know you more," I said by phone. "Come to Tokyo." He doesn't live in Tokyo and it takes about two hours by train from his city to Tokyo.

"I'll come." he said. "Now you wanna marry me, right?"

And he came. It was raining quite hard. We saw at the nearest station of my house, just like it was natural. But think again, it wasn't natural. We'd seen each other just once at the party and the next time he was going to stay at my place.

"Thank God, I recognize you."

That was the words he said when he found me at the station. We'd been talking by phone almost every night but hadn't remembered each other's face clearly. It was odd.

We had dinner near my place and got home. We slept in my bed together, holding each other without doing any sexual thing. He didn't even kiss me.

It was after dating at Disney Sea we had sex. It was much better than I expected. At the time, however, I was still wondering if I liked him or not and didn't enjoy sex that much.

After four days together, our heart gradually got closer and closer. "It was very nice to come to Tokyo," he said, "See you next time I come to Tokyo." He is coming to Tokyo in July for the company's event.

When he rode the train, we released our holding hands. "It's a bit sad, releasing the hand i was holding for three days," He said. I smiled.

To be honest, he is opposed to my type. I usually like someone who is quite intelligent, mature guy, who leads me. He is the same age as mine, cheerful, drinks a lot and smokes a lot. He likes me to lead him.

I don't know why I can't help calling him every night. I don't know if I love him or not. I just want to know what this strange feeling I have for the first time in my life.