I called him to let him know that I'm going to go to Nagoya(his city) to see him in July. His answer was odd.

"Well, I'lll be busy with my study and won't be able to spare time for you...You're working hard these days, right? You don't have to take your time just to see me."

That was enought to let me understand something. I asked him.

"What do you think about our relationship? Clearly, it isn't love. I'm 25 and I know how you think about me. We're adult, so let's make it clear that our relationship is just to have fun temporarily. I don't care, because I don't love you either."

He kept silent for a while. And started to talke.

"I'm sorry that I didn't clarify our relationship until now. Actually, I don't know if I can have a steady girlfriend or not. I've made my ex-girlfriend pregnant, and she got an abortion. She didn't want to marry me. After that, I haven't been able to have a steady relationship with anyone."

I said,
"I understand. I told you that you're the 21st guy I've had slept with. That's true. After my ex-boyfriend left, I even got mental disease and still I'm fighting with it. These three years, I slept with lots of guys and didn't have steady relationships with any of them. That's because I don't want to be hurt by anyone again.

Why don't we have an adult relationship without thinking or love or anything. We see each other when we want to and have fun together. If I sleep with someone else, you don't care. And vice versa."

He agreed.

About this, to be honest, I was disappointed a little and relieved at the same time. Of course I want to be loved by someone, so when I suspected he really thought of marrying me, I was happy. On the other hand, I was afraid of having a strong relationship with someone.

Now I know that I'm alone again but I can handle it because I'm independent. I don't depend on anything again. Never.