tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2009-11-05:/Essays of a Japanese girl in London (now in Tokyo temporarily).MokoFeed2009-11-05T21:26:05+01:00tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2009-09-07:/2009/09/07/hello-again-from-tokyo-6915926/Roman_EC2009-09-07T21:18:35+02:002009-09-07T21:21:57+02:00 <p>Hi, there...I'm Roman in Tokyo.<br> Years have passed since I wrote the last post, and the situation has drastically changed.</p> <p>I entered the first company, an IT software vendor, in April 2006. I realized soon that I was not a person for IT engineer, but I struggled to get used to it. I got the depression again, then. That is such a terrible experience that I don't remember the time well...</p> <p>Depression is the worst situation you can ever imagine. Don't even want to remember about it.</p> <p>Anyway, I quit the company to get over the terrible disease. Just after I quit the job, I realized that my mental and body are getting better and better. I stumbled on an incredible company and entered the company, I. Now, I'm a human capital management consultant of the company.</p> <p>People there are smart and nice. I thank God I'm alive every day. In addition to that, I saw someone I want to live together for the first time in five years! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2009/09/07/hello-again-from-tokyo-6915926/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-10-06:/2007/10/07/dear_my~3095980/Roman_EC2007-10-07T00:20:15+02:002007-10-07T00:20:15+02:00 <p>First of all, sorry about my insistent harassment.</p> <p>Actually, after three years, I was about to forget you,<br> but when I saw your friend, I couldn't help remembering the atmosphere of scholors, and you.<br> I also knew that you're going out with Ms.A, which was extremely shocking to me.</p> <p>I thought about how I can reminde you of me,<br> but didn’t want to say good bye.<br> So, when your mail stopped, I despaired.<br> I wanted to keep you myside. Then, the story of lawsuit.</p> <p>However, hating someone for three years is unproductive, and, just tiring.<br> I'm short of power to go on hating you.<br> Now, game is over. I forgive you. And I forget you. I won't mail you ever.<br> (It's a tough call because whenever depression is coming, I think about you.)</p> <p>Just I want you to do is remembering that you chose your study,<br> leaving one girl's life disrupted.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/10/07/dear_my~3095980/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-10-03:/2007/10/03/can_you_imagin~3077891/Roman_EC2007-10-03T12:51:29+02:002007-10-03T12:51:29+02:00 <p>Can you imagine that you can't go away from the curse of lost love?<br> Can you imagine that you can't love anyone for three years because of memory?<br> Can you imagine how you feel when your e-mails are just ignored?</p> <p>Love and hate are blood relations.<br> When the love is strong, it becomes strong hate.</p> <p>I've been struggling to forget you for three years, only to fail. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/10/03/can_you_imagin~3077891/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-10-03:/2007/10/03/love_and_hate~3076278/Roman_EC2007-10-03T06:21:22+02:002007-10-03T06:22:41+02:00 <p>After the day I talked to human resources, I took the day off because of depression. I finally admited that I needed to take a rest.</p> <p>I talked to my boss and decided to take one month off.<br> It was strange, I thougt, I want to work, but I can't because of my disease. And the disease is due to my ex-boyfriend I split up 3years ago.I mailed him to tell him that I'm going to file a lawsuit against him.<br> Ignored.<br> I mailed one of our friends, who was staying U.S. to study economics. I explaind the situation briefly, and asked him to my ex to reply to me.</p> <p>And at last! I gotta reply, which is saying sorry.<br> However, how many "sorry" can my disease cured?</p> <p>I know why this depression happened this time. I heard that my ex is going out with a Japanese woman, who was in the same class with him.<br> I was extremely shocked.</p> <p>I still can't the curse of ex and I'm sure I can't go away. "Love and hate" are blood relations.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/10/03/love_and_hate~3076278/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-08-31:/2007/08/31/missing_my_princes~2900773/Roman_EC2007-08-31T13:13:41+02:002007-08-31T13:13:41+02:00 <p>I had a meeting with the manager of Human Resources today. He recommended me to leave of absence. I explained that I'm getting betrer and don't want to leave. After some discussion, he permitted me to stay. Someone will check if I work 8hours a day, though.</p> <p>I was shocked a little. I like my boss, Stephan, but he wanted me to leave and told human resources guys to order it to me. We discussed it yesterday, actually. I want more job but he doesn't allow me to do it because of my disease. He recommended me to go back to my hometown and take a rest. I don't want to.</p> <p>I started to think of my Northen prince(job coach). He was nice, smart, and good-looking. I was happy when I was working with him next to him. </p> <p>Not that I don't have any "prince" now, I have a boyfriend(who is being divorced), my new boss is good-looking and gentle, and from next week, new guy is coming from Osaka office and he is the cool one. Now, I'm writing to kill time because today I'll have dinner with a manager and I'm waiting for him, in the meeting now.Oh, I gotta mail from him! Now I'm going to see him. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/08/31/missing_my_princes~2900773/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-08-30:/2007/08/30/my_fxxking_depression~2893724/Roman_EC2007-08-30T08:47:21+02:002007-08-30T08:48:19+02:00 <p>Depression is hard these days. I couldn't even come to the office. My mom came to rescue me. She cooks, tidies up my room, and I'm getting better.<br> My job these days is mainly translation. My boss knows my condition and doesn't let me work harder. Once I come back, I'll be able to do more jobs. If it had not been for this desease...no, I shouldn't think about it. I have to get over it to do more interesting jobs with interesting people. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/08/30/my_fxxking_depression~2893724/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-08-09:/2007/08/09/getting_busier~2780906/Roman_EC2007-08-09T15:06:40+02:002007-08-09T15:08:17+02:00 <p>Can't remember what I actually did today...too busy. I took yesterday off because of the "big wave", depression, and luckily, I could get up early today.</p> <p>I had a class with a co-woker. I'm teaching Business English to him on every Thursday. The lesson wasn't good, though, I was feeling bad. I went to healthcare centre and had a sleep.</p> <p>I came back at 1 and had a lunch, Stephan, my boss, becked and I joined a meeting, not knowing what is the meeting for. It took more than two hours and they were talking about graphs I didn't understand at all.</p> <p>After that, Stephan and I had a short meeting to "improve our job". Honestly, I don't have so much job and Stephan's task is just preparing for Monday meeting. It's not enough to work with for a week. I told him what I'm thinking about honestly and he understood.</p> <p>He told me to join all of the meetings he'll have and I'll probably translate or take a minute. I'm getting busier. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/08/09/getting_busier~2780906/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-08-07:/2007/08/07/big_waves_in_my_life~2769018/Roman_EC2007-08-07T12:34:27+02:002007-08-07T12:37:23+02:00 <p>I have a chronic disease, manic depression. Sometimes I have depression and can't do anything, sometimes I'm aggressive and feels that I can do everything. I call it "big waves" in my life. I take a pile of drugs everyday but it doesn't work well.</p> <p>This time, aggression was awful. At the midnight, because of a sleeping pill, I'm not consciousness but I call millions of friends, including my senior worker.</p> <p>In the morning, I don't remember anything, but I see my phone and surprised to know I've called lots of friends at the midnight.</p> <p>I lost some friends because of the disease, but I have no way.</p> <p>Anyway, the aggressive wave has gone and now the depression.</p> <p>I managed to go to my office but couldn't do anything. I slept on the desk and everyone was worrying about me. I had no choice. I called my mother in my hometown and she kindly came to take care of me. It worked. She tidied up my room and made good dishes. It was a great help.</p> <p>Today I could go to my office and could do my work without sleeping. It seems another wave has gone. I hope next one won't come soon. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/08/07/big_waves_in_my_life~2769018/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-07-19:/2007/07/19/i_have_to_write~2663663/Roman_EC2007-07-19T13:30:06+02:002007-07-19T14:03:47+02:00 <p>Lots of things happened...why I haven't written for such a long time, I wonder.I'm still getting on well with my new boss, Stephan, and he is in his country temporarily. Which means I have more than enough time to do what I want, like, studying English!</p> <p>Then, the "Southern Prince" problem. He is a senior worker and I've fancied him, knowing that he has a fiancee. Some days ago, he said to me, "I broke up with my fiancee." "What?" He didn't want to talk about it so much, but from the day, he got to come to see me more than before. We had lunch or tea almost everyday. I was excited.</p> <p>At last, he invited me for a dinner on Saturday evening. I can't deny I didn't expected something. He came to see me by taxi. The restaurant was a quiet, stylish Japanese restaurant and we were alone in a small room.</p> <p>"So..." I started to speak. "How are you doing?" "Not bad," he said, "I enjoy seeing rings and houses with my girlfriend." "...Excuse me? Your...what?" "Oh, I broke up with my girlfriend, and returned to my ex-ex-girlfriend." "...So?" "So? You asked me how I'm doing, so I told you how I'm doing." </p> <p>I was about to douse his face with the glass of water.</p> <p>He continued to explain, "The ex-ex-girlfriend is the one I want to marry...we've been together for seven years and we break up when each of us meets someone else, but we come back after all."</p> <p>I was about to leave, but anyway, he is a senior worker and it's stupid to make our relationship bad. I stayed.</p> <p>He didn't drink because he feels sick these days and I didn't enjoy talking with him. When we left the restaurant, I was totally at a loss what I was doing. He invited me for a bar, but I gently rejected it.</p> <p>Because of the shock by the Southern Prince, I took the next day off and was in bed all day long. I called my mum. "Mom, it seems I lost love." "That's why I told you not to fall in love! You always get sick when you fall in love!" "Mom, it's impossible not to fall in love with anyone. Especially in my company...lots of good-looking and smart senior workers." "So, do as you like. But don't take off work because of lost love. Be stronger." "...I can't." "Don't stay in bed in the small room. Get out and eat something." "I don't feel like eating anything..." "Get out!"</p> <p>I hung off, laying. I saw the small square ceiling of my room.<br> ...I've got to go out.</p> <p>I bought a ticket for "Spiderman 3" online and wore my favorite dress. It worked. I headed for Roppongi-Hills, and enjoyed shopping there. "Spiderman 3" was better than 2. I felt like I'm flying as Spiderman and felt my feeling was getting better.</p> <p>On the next day, at the office, The Southern Prince came to see me. "Hi.""Hi." He looked he wanted to say something, but I ignored him and went on working. He'd gone. I didn't feel something any more. "Probably," I thought, "I became stronger thanks to him. Thank you very much."</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/07/19/i_have_to_write~2663663/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-06-22:/2007/06/22/writing_at_akasaka_again~2498330/Roman_EC2007-06-22T09:46:01+02:002007-06-22T09:46:01+02:00 <p>I'm depressed a bit today. At the meeting of our department, I was totally at a loss. The head of the department is German(Stephan) and his English is quite nice, so English wasn't the problem.</p> <p>People there(all Japanese, speaking poor English) have been working in this company for a long time and they fully understand the products and departments of the company. It's quite irregular that I'm here(I've been working for just a year).</p> <p>They were talking about management of the company and the transform the institution of the company. Sometimes someone asked me to translate, but I couldn't. I couldn't.</p> <p>I went back to the office but didn't feel like working any more. I couldn't stand just sitting there. I bought a ticket of cinema by the Internet and was about to leave.</p> <p>Then, I saw Stephan walking. "I'm leaving", I said, "Have a good weekend!" he said. "You too!" "Thanks!" then he smiled. My depressing heart then melt. Japanese bosses never smile. Stephan is a wonderful boss. I wrote a thanks e-mail to him.</p> <p>Now one of my co-workers called me and we're gonna drink together! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/06/22/writing_at_akasaka_again~2498330/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-06-19:/2007/06/19/where_is_my_life_going~2479762/Roman_EC2007-06-19T11:29:59+02:002007-06-19T11:32:36+02:00 <p>Everything has changed since the head of my department changed. He came from Germany(our company is German) and doesn't speak Japanese.</p> <p>He picked me up to assist him as I was famous as an "English consultant", which means I can speak English.</p> <p>How fantastic my life has changed! Stephan, my new boss, takes me to lots of important meetings including the most important one, the one being held at the president's office. The meeting members are all important managers and the funny thing is my job is to manage the managers.</p> <p>They are supposed to send a updated document to me every Thursday and I'll send them a reminder. Stephan and I work with the documents on Fridays for the meeting on next Monday. </p> <p>Stephan is probably around 40, cheerful, smart, and very tall man. He smiles at everyone and his joke is wonderful. </p> <p>Today was the first day I didn't have a meeting with him since he came. I read documents about the transformation plan and learned a lot about the company.</p> <p>I left the office at 5 and went shopping. Now I'm at a cafe in Akasaka. Nice, comfortable, sleepy...but I want to study more before I get home. Now I'm reading PNBOK, the most famous textbook about project management.</p> <p>Not only my job, but also my life is clearly changing...something must happen. Something important is about to happen. I'm living for it. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/06/19/where_is_my_life_going~2479762/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-06-16:/2007/06/16/it_wasn_t_love~2463013/Roman_EC2007-06-16T12:40:46+02:002007-06-16T12:45:18+02:00 <p>I called him to let him know that I'm going to go to Nagoya(his city) to see him in July. His answer was odd.</p> <p>"Well, I'lll be busy with my study and won't be able to spare time for you...You're working hard these days, right? You don't have to take your time just to see me."</p> <p>That was enought to let me understand something. I asked him.</p> <p>"What do you think about our relationship? Clearly, it isn't love. I'm 25 and I know how you think about me. We're adult, so let's make it clear that our relationship is just to have fun temporarily. I don't care, because I don't love you either."</p> <p>He kept silent for a while. And started to talke.</p> <p>"I'm sorry that I didn't clarify our relationship until now. Actually, I don't know if I can have a steady girlfriend or not. I've made my ex-girlfriend pregnant, and she got an abortion. She didn't want to marry me. After that, I haven't been able to have a steady relationship with anyone."</p> <p>I said,<br> "I understand. I told you that you're the 21st guy I've had slept with. That's true. After my ex-boyfriend left, I even got mental disease and still I'm fighting with it. These three years, I slept with lots of guys and didn't have steady relationships with any of them. That's because I don't want to be hurt by anyone again.</p> <p>Why don't we have an adult relationship without thinking or love or anything. We see each other when we want to and have fun together. If I sleep with someone else, you don't care. And vice versa."</p> <p>He agreed.</p> <p>About this, to be honest, I was disappointed a little and relieved at the same time. Of course I want to be loved by someone, so when I suspected he really thought of marrying me, I was happy. On the other hand, I was afraid of having a strong relationship with someone. </p> <p>Now I know that I'm alone again but I can handle it because I'm independent. I don't depend on anything again. Never. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/06/16/it_wasn_t_love~2463013/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-06-06:/2007/06/06/is_this_love~2405049/Roman_EC2007-06-06T15:15:16+02:002007-06-06T15:40:45+02:00 <p>It was at the party I met him. </p> <p>I was the only employee of the company and it was a casual party after a big official welcome party for potential employees, who will join us next spring.<br> Some potential employees, who are still students, were going to drink together and I joined them. We were more than ten.</p> <p>He sat in front of me and said, "I'm lucky, I've got a great seat!". I laughed. We introduced ourselves to each other, and he said, "I'm Yo. I'll go out with Roman!" We laughed.</p> <p>I took it as a joke at the time, but after that, he went on persuading me to go out with him, like this,<br> "Will you marry me?" he said, "Don't make fun of me." I replied.<br> After all, in the end, I had to admit I felt like knowing him more. We exchanged phone numbers. That was the beginning of everything.</p> <p>"I want to know you more," I said by phone. "Come to Tokyo." He doesn't live in Tokyo and it takes about two hours by train from his city to Tokyo.</p> <p>"I'll come." he said. "Now you wanna marry me, right?"</p> <p>And he came. It was raining quite hard. We saw at the nearest station of my house, just like it was natural. But think again, it wasn't natural. We'd seen each other just once at the party and the next time he was going to stay at my place.</p> <p>"Thank God, I recognize you."</p> <p>That was the words he said when he found me at the station. We'd been talking by phone almost every night but hadn't remembered each other's face clearly. It was odd.</p> <p>We had dinner near my place and got home. We slept in my bed together, holding each other without doing any sexual thing. He didn't even kiss me. </p> <p>It was after dating at Disney Sea we had sex. It was much better than I expected. At the time, however, I was still wondering if I liked him or not and didn't enjoy sex that much.</p> <p>After four days together, our heart gradually got closer and closer. "It was very nice to come to Tokyo," he said, "See you next time I come to Tokyo." He is coming to Tokyo in July for the company's event.</p> <p>When he rode the train, we released our holding hands. "It's a bit sad, releasing the hand i was holding for three days," He said. I smiled.</p> <p>To be honest, he is opposed to my type. I usually like someone who is quite intelligent, mature guy, who leads me. He is the same age as mine, cheerful, drinks a lot and smokes a lot. He likes me to lead him.</p> <p>I don't know why I can't help calling him every night. I don't know if I love him or not. I just want to know what this strange feeling I have for the first time in my life. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/06/06/is_this_love~2405049/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-05-24:/2007/05/24/a_japanese_girl_writes~2324098/Roman_EC2007-05-24T07:33:26+02:002007-05-24T07:39:01+02:00 <p>In London, I saw Chris for the first time in the year and a half and he told me that my English speaking ability went down. Although I'd realized it, I was shocked.</p> <p>I'm an English consultant in my company and I teach co-workers English and give them the ways to study English. I tell most of them to "write" in English, because this is the best way to study English I've found. Generally, Japanese people are not good at writing and speaking (output skills). The reason is our entrance exam of colleges is usually reading test and listening test(input skills).</p> <p>However, we study a language and if you can't tell someone what you want to say in it, what do you study it for?</p> <p>If you can speak it, it'd be the best, but usually speaking is more difficult than writing, as you can't use a dictionary or grammar book when you speak. Before speaking, practice writing with a dictionary and grammar book. Check your spell and grammar.</p> <p>Two years ago in London, practicing it for 12weeks, my output skill tremendously improved. My teacher(Chris) said I spoiled it, though...being lazy.</p> <p>I've been lazy. I was telling people to study without studying myself. People say, "You can study English when you teach English.", but teaching and studying are, needless to say, different. I teach what I already know and I don't get anything new. In addition to teaching, I have to study myself and get new things. That's why I'm writing now, at office. My boss is away. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/05/24/a_japanese_girl_writes~2324098/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-04-05:/2007/04/05/no_reply_from_chris~2038059/Roman_EC2007-04-05T13:27:43+02:002007-04-05T13:29:34+02:00 <p>I don't know if I prospected it or not...but the fact is Chris hasn't mailed me since I sent him the last e-mail, "I'm coming to London in the last week in April."</p> <p>Possibly he has a British girl friend and he doesn't want to see me any more. However, if it's what he means, he should say something to me. I paid more than 500 pounds for the flight tickets yesterday and I was not quite sure why I was paying that. If I can't see Chris, my stay in London will be empty.</p> <p>Anyway, that's the life. I'm enjoying my job and that's clearly the good thing. Besides my tasks, I established "English support desk" and checking co-workers' English and even teach English to them. (You must be saying, "No way!") Unfortunately, their English writing abilities are much poorer than mine even though our company is a German company and we use English on business every day.</p> <p>One of my princes (I call some cool senior workers "prince") is going to Germany in two weeks and I made a special English studying program for him. We have a lesson once or twice a week and talk in English about his job. In order to talk with him, I have to study not only English but also his job(Automotive), but studying various jobs is interesting and I enjoy that. The next student will be another prince and I'm going to study new product of our company...</p> <p>One of my co-workers said, "You are enjoying teaching English because you're teaching only to princes!" </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/04/05/no_reply_from_chris~2038059/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2007-04-02:/2007/04/02/almost_one_year_has_passed~2017848/Roman_EC2007-04-02T08:15:39+02:002007-04-02T08:15:39+02:00 <p>Can't believe that I haven't written for one year! Actually, I had lost this URL and happened to find it today. I read what I wrote one year ago and felt a bit strange. Not a bad feeling, though.</p> <p>I was anxious of working in a company. I didn't know what would happen. I didn't even know what my company does!</p> <p>One year has passed and everything has changed. I was trained for six months and started to work as an IT consultant. Soon the company and I found that the work was not suited to me, as I have mental disease and can't work in the tense atmospher at client's offices.</p> <p>After working with clients for three months, I was transfered to the management section. In the section, I can work in my company's office building in relatively relaxed mood.</p> <p>I've been exchanging e-mails with Chris for more than a year. Chris was my teacher and a lover when I was in London. I usually send him an e-mail whose title is "Question". As I use English with my job, I often ask grammatical questions to him by e-mail.</p> <p>Today, I sent him an e-mail whose title is "Not Question", which says:</p> <p>"Hi, Chris. I got a vacation and I bought a ticket to London. Just wondering if I can see you there..." </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2007/04/02/almost_one_year_has_passed~2017848/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2006-04-02:/2006/04/02/trying_to_cheer_me_up~696771/Roman_EC2006-04-02T16:02:39+02:002006-04-02T16:02:39+02:00 <p>Oh, I haven't written for a long time....probably because I haven't had strong waves of emotion recently. Life here after finishing my thesis has been quite simple, which is not bad. I just enjoyed having lunch at my favourite cafe or shopping on my own. Can't believe that I had such busy days in London...something happened everyday and everything was exciting there. But when you think about the past, everything seems good, doesn't it? Not that I was having fun all the time, but that I haven't written about bad things.</p> <p>Anyway, I'm starting to work at the company. Finally. Good bye to quiet days, and I'm becoming a serious office worker. God, I'm getting nervous...I called a co-worker one hour ago. "Hi, how are you feeling? I'm scared of starting to work! I even thought of running away..." "Too late. I also thought of escaping to a foreign country, though..." "Did you!? Thank God, Not that I'm the only chicken."</p> <p>I had a 20-minute chat with him and recovered my nerve a bit. The best thing is that I'm getting on well with my future co-workers, well, so far. I'm afraid I've just got in a bad period. I often think that I've got periods in my life, good ones and bad ones. Last year, everything was good and I thought I'd had a very good period. It seems that I'm getting into bad one. I've got to manage it this time. Definitely. The only good thing recently is I received two e-mails from London. One is from a man I met at a pub on Tottenham Court Road. The other is from Chris. The bastard!(Now I know he isn't.) Perfect timing, actually. I must admit that the e-mail encouraged me. </p> <p>Now I'm ready for tomorrow. At least, something new is starting and that can't be bad. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2006/04/02/trying_to_cheer_me_up~696771/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2006-01-19:/2006/01/19/a_story_of_a_fish~486341/Roman_EC2006-01-19T16:48:57+01:002006-01-19T17:04:34+01:00 <p>In a plain from London to Tokyo, I was thinking about two guys I saw in London. Kevin and Chris. Both of them were my teacher when I stayed in London last summer for three months to study English.</p> <p>Kevin was my main teacher. I took his class every morning. He was a 31-year-old good looking guy and not a typical teacher. His class was boring, terrible, and some students even moved to another class just because they didn't like him. However, I liked him as a man and also felt that he fancied me. As he left the school two weeks before I left London, we could meet out of the school as friends at the last weekend.</p> <p>Chris was a teacher of a business class. I took his class every afternoon. He was 36 and his character was opposite to Kevin. He was cheerful, spoke a lot, good at explaining grammar, and naturally he was one of the most popular teachers in the school. His ex-job was financial consultant and he used to work with my future company. At the time, I was not confident in myself and was worried about my future job. I often saw him after the class and talked about my future company. He was, without a doubt, a good adviser. Gradually, I got to talk not only about the company, but also about my private life.</p> <p>For example, I asked him,<br> "How can I say in English, when a man sleeps with me and never contacts me after that? In Japan, we say "I was played by him." Is that the same in English?".</p> <p>He grinned. "You mean, when you're serious about him and he just wants sex, you realize that after sex and want to express your anger, right? In English, we say "He played me." but in my opinion, women tend to say that they are victims, but the truth is she also enjoys sex, knowing that the guy is not serious, and after that, she blames the guy..."</p> <p>I giggled. "I know what you mean...actually, all of the men I see here know that I'm going back to Japan and I also know that, which means both of us understand that our relathinship can't be serious. However, I still feel sad when a guy promises to see me the next day and he doesn't call me again."</p> <p>"I see... Maybe you can say "He played me like a fish."<br> "Fish?"<br> "Yeah, he is a fisherman, who catches women like fishing."<br> I laughed. "Funny expression! No wonder I've been a fish in a country of fish 'n' chips."<br> He laughed. "Don't be a fish again, O.K.?"<br> "O.K."</p> <p>At the time, I didn't know that I would come back to London and then become a fish again. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2006/01/19/a_story_of_a_fish~486341/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2006-01-11:/2006/01/11/going_to_london~461276/Roman_EC2006-01-11T15:18:42+01:002006-01-11T15:24:51+01:00 <p>As soon as I finished my thesis, I bought a return air ticket to London. I've just handed in the thesis to the college, and am packing now! Can't believe that I'm flying to the most beautiful city in the world. Can't believe that I'm seeing Kevin, who I thought I couldn't see again. I exchange e-mails with Chris, the teacher of the business class, as well, and he said he would be happy to see me at the weekend. Probably I'll see him on Sunday.</p> <p>About Kevin...I was not quite sure if I really wanted to see him or not. Anyway, I called him. I was wondering whether he was happy to know that Im going. Seems he was surprised to hear that. He said that he was eager to see me and I could stay in his flat(I politely refused it, though). I realized that I was relieved to know that he also wanted to see me.</p> <p>However, his reply to my e-mail about the schedule of the trip was only one line." ok- c u then" Doesn't he think that he should ask me when to see each other??? Anyway, that's Kevin. All what I should do now is tidying up this bloody messy room and packing☆ </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2006/01/11/going_to_london~461276/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-11-24:/2005/11/24/find_a_boyfriend_for_christmas~334645/Roman_EC2005-11-24T19:01:18+01:002005-11-24T19:03:38+01:00 <p>The season is coming. You can see full of illuminations, hear famiiar music, anywhere on the street. I walk quickly, trying not to see or hear them.</p> <p>.<a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/r/romanlondon/img/051124shinjuku.jpg" title="Shinjuku"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/r/romanlondon/img/051124shinjuku_small.jpg" border="0" alt="Shinjuku"></a></p> <p>I hate Christmas, since it reminds me of the happiest time in my life, which I won't experience again. More correctly, I don't remember it clearly...human instinct eliminates your memory when it hurts you too much. I just remember that I was happy. And, it was cold. Too cold. There were lots of illuminations. I sang Christmas songs. That's all I can remember.</p> <p>Foreign friends are amazed when I talk about Japanese Christmas. Most of Japanese people are not interested in religion, and Christmas is treated as the most romantic and biggest event for lovers. A young man or woman who spends Christmas with his or her family is called "loser". Not to be treated as a poor, miserable person, you have to find a lover before Christmas.</p> <p>Do you think I'm joking? Here are feature articles of magazines for young people these days. "How to get a boyfriend before Christmas--you have 10 weeks left!" "Effective dress to vamp him on the Christmas date" "Skin care to make you look most beautiful on Christmas" "The last chance to find the one before Christmas"....etc.etc...</p> <p>As you can imagine, lots of people find "the one" just before Christmas and then break up in a couple of days. The most important thing for them is whether they can join their friends or not, when they are talking about their special, romantic Christmas date. Women tend to make a fuss about it than men. If you are lucky to have a girlfriend and if you tell her that you won't spend Christmas with her, she would kill you. An expensive present is also important to satisfy her.</p> <p>On the other hand, there of course are couples in serious love. For them, spending Christmas together is a ritual to reassure their deep, serious love. The ritual is so important that a girl can fly to a foreign country to do it.</p> <p>Both of us were at a loss when the coach reached New York on Christmas Eve. We had expected crowded and exciting streets like Japanese ones on Christmas Eve. However, shops were about to close and few people were walking. We realised that American Christmas is different to ours. We started to laugh. It was cold, too cold, but I was happy.</p> <p>Christmas songs I hear on the street are exactly the same as two years ago. The different thing is I don't sing it any longer. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/11/24/find_a_boyfriend_for_christmas~334645/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-11-20:/2005/11/20/studystudystudy~322626/Roman_EC2005-11-20T14:42:08+01:002005-11-20T15:22:50+01:00 <p>Guys, thanks for all of your messages and comments...I'm alive, but just don't have time to update this weblog. In addition to my bloody research, the new part time job at the weekend just makes me mad. If I were English, I would say some swear word...but one of my teachers in London has forbidden me to use swear words. Jesus Christ!</p> <p>Although the main reason why I started the new part time job is to make money for a short trip to London, I've decided not to go there for some reason. Now I don't know what I work hard for...</p> <p>By the way, do you know an American TV programme called "Joe Millionaire"(FOX TV series)? I happend to see the last story by Cable TV and actually shed tears. I thought about lots of things... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/11/20/studystudystudy~322626/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-11-13:/2005/11/13/a_phone_call_from_london~304295/Roman_EC2005-11-13T15:04:07+01:002005-11-13T15:39:38+01:00 <p>I registered myself as a member of staff at a company which sends a parttime waitress to hotel parties. At the weekend, the company tells me which hotel to work for, and I go to the hotel's party to serve guests drinks. I worked on Friday and Saturday, and it was not so boring. It was actually interesting to wear uniform of a hotel and work at gorgeous parties. I was supposed to work today also, but the company told me yesterday that they couldn't prepare a job for me today.(As I'm a beginner, I can't work for a difficult party.) Since I was so tired and wanted to be relaxed, I was happy to get a holiday. In the morning, I couldn't move from my bed, and I was watching FOX all day long. I found the program very good for listening practice.</p> <p>When I was watching a program about Michael Jackson, the phone rang. </p> <p>"moshi moshi?("hello" in Japanese.)"</p> <p>Silence for a while. I was about to ring off, and somebody spoke.</p> <p>"Hello."<br> "Hello...(English? I know this voice, but I don't know who it is...)"<br> "It's Kevin."<br> "...Kevin!...How are you doing?"</p> <p>I was really surprised and at a loss about what to say. Michael Jackson was still singing in my mind. Kevin asked me about my Tokyo life and how I spent the weekend, but I couldn't talk well. In fact, I'm just busy and tired these days, and this kind of negative things are not suitable for a very rare international phone call with a man in London. Seems he wanted to know if I'm going out with someone or not and I answered that indirectly. It was stupid of me to have made it clear that I'm alone now, since a man tends to be attracted to a woman who has a secret. </p> <p>The only good thing was that I didn't tell him that I had a dream of him a couple of days ago, which I was about to tell him. The dream was vivid. Kevin came to Japan and I took him to some nice places in Tokyo. As I was so happy in the dream, I almost cried when I realised that it was just a dream. At the same time, I couldn't understand myself. He hadn't mailed me for two weeks and I was thinking that I'd forgotten about him. The dream might have suggested something, but I didn't want to think about it.</p> <p>However, the phone call inevitably made me think about it, about this strange relationship. Just after the very short phone call, I thought I didn't love him any longer. But now I'm feeling very sorry that I couldn't talk well. I'm wondering if he got fed up with me today, because our conversation was without a doubt awkward. It is a bit strange because when I was with him in London, we talked a lot about various things everyday. Talking by phone seems to be very different and I want to talk to him in person. </p> <p>If the company had given me a job today as I'd requested, I wouldn't have gotten the phone. I don't know if it was lucky or unlucky. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/11/13/a_phone_call_from_london~304295/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-11-09:/2005/11/09/karaoke_is_effective_against_mental_fati~295639/Roman_EC2005-11-09T18:43:32+01:002005-11-09T18:49:43+01:00 <p>In order to recover from the "mental fatigue", I decided not to think about my thesis at all and do something different today. I called one of my best friends, MK, and asked him if he was off today or not(He works for a private school as a part time teacher). Luckily, he was off today.</p> <p>I saw him for the first time in almost two months. The first words of him today were "So, you've worked hard on a diet, huh? You lost weight." "Can you tell?" "Absolutely." That's why I like him. We talked a lot at a small cafe. He is one of my friends who I met at a science event when I was a high school student. A famous mathematician gathers fifty high school students who are good at mathematics from all over Japan every summer, and the students spend a week together to talk about mathematics and science.(Although I was not as good at mathematics as other members, somehow I joined the event.) As I was the youngest participant, other members treated me like a younger sister. Since some of us entered a college in Tokyo, we've been good friends for a long time. Actually, MK and I have been friends for eight years. As I'm not getting on well with my younger sister, who used to be my best friend, these days, I feel most relaxed when I'm with MK. Both of us like Karaoke and we often sing together.</p> <p>In London, I explained Japanese Karaoke to some British people since it is very different from British one(I saw a karaoke set at some pubs.). In Japan, you can see lots of buildings called "karaoke box", which have lots of small rooms. Each room has a karaoke set and one room is for one group. In the entrance of the building, a group(usually from two to ten members) keep a room and pay money(about three pounds per hour for each person). In the room, members take turns singing. Today we kept a room for two hours and enjoyed singing a lot.</p> <p>Enjoying singing with a good friend was much more effecive against the "mental fatigue" than any other medicine, I suppose. As I've recovered from the terrible conditon, I'm sure I can restart my thesis tomorrow.</p> <p><a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/r/romanlondon/img/051110karaoke01.jpg" title=""><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/r/romanlondon/img/051110karaoke01_small.jpg" border="0" alt=""></a></p> <p><a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/r/romanlondon/img/051110karaoke02.jpg" title=""><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/r/romanlondon/img/051110karaoke02_small.jpg" border="0" alt=""></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/11/09/karaoke_is_effective_against_mental_fati~295639/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-11-08:/2005/11/08/mental_fatigue_because_of_a_thesis~291533/Roman_EC2005-11-08T14:29:18+01:002005-11-08T18:28:36+01:00 <p>I'm feeling very bad these days...feeling drowsy all the time, having a headache, and I feel faint when I think about something difficult. I couldn't even wake up yesterday and cancelled some appointments. Today I was in bed, couldn't wake up again, and wondered whether I would cancel today's English lesson or not. However, I wanted to see my teacher, Mike, so I managed to wake up and headed for his office. During the lesson, I felt that my English was worse than usual.</p> <p>After the lesson, I rushed into a hospital near my house. The doctor said my sickness was not a cold but mental fatigue. "Did you do anything which made you tired?" thd doctor asked me, "you seem to be very tired." "I'm working hard with my thesis these days, and I don't like my research, actually." "That could be the reason, then."</p> <p>I felt depressed. To graduate, I have to write more than 70pages, but I've written only 10 or something. I'm getting tired of it already and even have some physical problems.</p> <p>On my way home, I received an e-mail from one of my female friends, who I avoid seeing these days. The reason why I avoid her is apparent if you see her e-mails. </p> <p>"I started to go out with the guy I'd been keeping. He is just fantastic! I thank my ex, who dumped me☆" </p> <p>"Congratulations. But you said you would never go out with the guy, since you've been with your ex for a year, asking him to go out with you again, right? Your ex must be shocked." </p> <p>"That's true♪ To tell the truth, he finally said "yes" one week ago, and I was satisfied with that, which made me start something new."</p> <p>Although it's usual for her to say such kind of thing, and I might have done the similar thing before, I lost words. If I were a man, I would never even talk to this girl. And as a woman...I don't want to keep a relationship with her any more. In Japan, there is a proverb which has the same meaning of "Birds of a feather flock together." in English. When I was enjoying love affairs like a game, I liked talking about them with her. However, as a woman trying to be independent, I won't do that again. I feel that my feather is being changed. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/11/08/mental_fatigue_because_of_a_thesis~291533/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-11-04:/2005/11/04/being_afraid_of_loving_someone~283247/Roman_EC2005-11-04T17:48:56+01:002005-11-08T19:08:07+01:00 <p>It's getting colder these days...I went to bed and felt that it was a bit cold in bed. At the moment, I remembered that when I was living with my ex-fiance, he often complained about the bed especially in winter. We slept in a single bed together, and he wanted to sleep on a floor alone for some reasons. As he was a hard worker, he didn't sleep more than 6 hours and studied almost all the rest of the day. He claimed that he could sleep more warmly and comfortably alone, but I didn't let him do that. I was crazy at the time and just wanted to be with him as much as possible. 'I should have realised that he was tired and wanted to relax alone. He must have endured lots of things when he was with me...I was selfish...it was natural that he wanted to separate from me...'</p> <p>I started to think about what I used to think about again and again. The first thing I did after we broke up was regretting my attitude to him. When he was with me, I often refused to let him do what he wanted to do because I loved him too much. Now that I've returned to normal, I can understand how foolish I was. I started to shed tears thinking about him, for the first time in several months. It was then that I realised that I still hadn't recovered from the trauma, which surprised me as I was feeling that I was very happy at the time.</p> <p>The real reason why I avoid having a serious relationship with someone might be because I don't want to have that shock again. Also, I fully know how bad I was at the time...I couldn't do anything by myself, I depended on him completely. Now, everyone says that he or she can't imagine that I used to be the kind of woman. I can say I'm independent now and am satisfied with that. This makes me afraid of falling in love with someone and repeating the same mistake again. I would choose being alone rather than being depend on someone again. The best thing of course is having a serious relationship as an independent woman, but I'm not quite sure whether I'm ready for that or not. Anyway, there is no hurry about having a boyfriend, so I'm going to enjoy alone and get ready for a "proper" romance. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/11/04/being_afraid_of_loving_someone~283247/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-11-01:/2005/11/01/a_miracle_of_pheromone~274720/Roman_EC2005-11-01T04:44:37+01:002005-11-08T14:38:46+01:00 <p>I had a very strange experience last Sunday. In Japan, some people say that there are special people who have a chemical substance called "pheromone", which attracts people of the opposite sex. I was sceptical about that, but I actually felt the effect of a pheromone.</p> <p>I saw some of my future colleagues on the day. When I knew that we were going to see each other, somehow I remembered one of the colleagues, who I talked a little last time. To be honest, I didn't think he was attractive at the time, but I wondered if he was coming or not. At the meeting point, I found he wasn't there. I asked someone if he was coming or not casually, and he said "no".</p> <p>After drinking, I was returning home with one of them, who was taking the same line as mine, but we dropped by a bar in Shibuya to talk more. We talked about our future company and colleagues. </p> <p>"N didn't come today.", I said. "Yeah, I really wanted to see him...well, why don't we go to his house now? I call him." "But, is it OK for him to..." "He likes to drink in his house. Don't worry." He called N and they decided to drink in his house. We bought some drinks and went to his house.</p> <p>I was surprised to know it was a very small, old flat, but happy to see him. He is not good-looking, doesn't have money, not good at school record. I didn't talk to him so much. However, I felt some attractive power from him and tried hard resisting it. He is far from my type, but I felt uneasy with him and couldn't see his face. It was not only me who felt the power. There were lots of gift boxes in his room, and he said they were presents from stalkers. He doesn't want to use them but can't through away them. He asked me if I wanted to take some of them, but I declined with thanks. </p> <p>Next morning, I got back with my friend who took me to N's house. "What was that? He is not my type, and I've decided not to fall in love with anyone. But I felt some irresistible power, and..." "I know. Even a man feels something from him, let alone a woman. Do you know that a famous model asked him to go out with her, shedding tears?" "My God." "Do you fancy him, then? So, when I see him next time, I'll call you..." "Hold on! I don't want to approach him any more. You know, I've decided not to love anyone seriously in order to make my feelings stable, but he is the one who will make me crazy." "I understand. Also, he is your future colleague. It is not good to have a trouble now, yeah?" "You're right."</p> <p>It was a very strange experience. I thought a pheromone actually works.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/11/01/a_miracle_of_pheromone~274720/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-10-27:/2005/10/27/about_computer_mediated_communication~265621/Roman_EC2005-10-27T19:29:54+02:002005-10-27T19:45:21+02:00 <p>I'm writing a thesis on computer mediated communication(like this weblog!). Today I went to see a professor studying media and asked him for some advice. He told me about the difference between Japanese online community and other countries' one. I was surprised to know that there are lots of differences.</p> <p>For example, it is very common in Japan to use a webname on the Internet in order to hide the real name. We separate the online world from "offline world". It is very unusual in Japan to put the real name in the weblog.(That's why I'm using "Roman" here, not to be recognized by my "offline" friends.) </p> <p>Also, there is a very popular BBS community called "2ch", which millions of people visit every day(There are thousands of BBS in the community, separated by themes). We don't even have to put our webnames there. Lots of comments without writers' names flow on the BBS. However, conversations there are very interesting and entertaining, since writers know that thousands of people are reading their comments and want to entertain them. Most of the readers there are ROM(Read Only Member). Anonymity is one of unique characters of Japanese online communty.</p> <p>"2ch" is here <a href="http://www.2ch.net/">http://www.2ch.net/</a> only in Japanese, but worth visiting just to know how many BBS are there!(Click the pot of the toppage, and then the left side of the second page is a list of the themes of BBS).</p> <p>By the way, I replied to Kevin finally.......I admit that I still have a special feeling for him, and I don't know why. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/10/27/about_computer_mediated_communication~265621/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-10-24:/2005/10/24/date_in_roppongi_hills~257510/Roman_EC2005-10-24T10:28:45+02:002005-10-27T19:43:46+02:00 <p>"Roppongi Hills" is one of the most popular date spots in Tokyo.<br> <a href="http://www.roppongihills.com/en/">http://www.roppongihills.com/en/</a></p> <p>It consists of lots of modern buildings filled with expensive restaurants, brand shops and museums. It also has a beautiful garden. Just walking around there is a lot of fun, but the most popular place is "Tokyo city view" As you can see in this site, ( <a href="http://www.tokyocityview.com/en/tokyoskyshot/index.html">http://www.tokyocityview.com/en/tokyoskyshot/index.html</a> )you can look down at Tokyo Tower from windows. It's worth visiting if you come to Tokyo!</p> <p>Yesterday, I went to the 52nd floor of a building there to see an exhibition "Leonardo Da Vinci:The Codex Leicester", with one of close male friends of mine, F. I've known him for five years and respect his knowledge about various things. His major is law, but he is very familiar with arts, history, fashion, perfume, alcohol etc. As often happens with a person who likes to talk, he doesn't listen to other people. So when I see him, I imagine I'm listening to the radio--Lectures about Tarantino, Renaissance, whisky, etc.</p> <p>We had some tea at a cafe in Roppongi Hills, enjoyed the exhibition and shopping, had dinner and some drinks in a bar. What we were mainly talking about was Japanese literature. I bought a book he recommended to me, called "Chijin-no-ai" by Tanizaki Jun-ichiro. <a href="http://www.personal.psu.edu/staff/k/x/kxs334/academic/fiction/tanizaki_chijin.html">http://www.personal.psu.edu/staff/k/x/kxs334/academic/fiction/tanizaki_chijin.html</a></p> <p>Tanizaki is one of the greatest Japanese writers in the first half of 20 century, and in this age, lots of outstanding novels were written. Dazai Osamu, Mori Ogai, Natsume Soseki, etc. An interesting thing is they were influenced by Western culture. For example, in "Chijin no ai", the characters admire Western people unbelievably, and can't even talk with them even though they can speak English.</p> <p>Direct translation of the title is "Love of a crazy", I think. The hero fancies a girl working at a coffeeshop, and he asked her to live with him as "friends". He takes care of her and wanted her to become a woman of his type. And his love starts to go crazy...</p> <p>I don't know about other countries, but in Japan, there are some novels about a man who gets a little girl to make her become a woman of his type. The most famous example is "The tale of Genji". <a href="http://mcel.pacificu.edu/as/students/genji/homepage.html">http://mcel.pacificu.edu/as/students/genji/homepage.html</a></p> <p>The hero gets a seven-year-old girl and takes care of her. After several years later, they get married. I don't know whether this kind of woman is happy or not, because she doesn't have other choice. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/10/24/date_in_roppongi_hills~257510/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-10-18:/2005/10/18/an_e_mail_from_london~243159/Roman_EC2005-10-18T19:48:25+02:002005-10-20T06:30:24+02:00 <p>Today I took an English lesson of my private teacher, Mike. I was talking about my past love as usual(the lesson is supposed to be on BUSINESS English.).</p> <p>"I used to go out with my English teacher, just because it was useful to me."<br> "Well, I've never had a special relationship with my student, and I speak Japanese out of this room, so..."<br> "I'm not talking about you!"<br> "Who are you talking about, then? Kevin...ah, sorry. I promised not to mention his name..."<br> "It doesn't matter. I don't think about the bastard any longer. He hasn't mailed me for a month, so I mailed him last night just to say good bye."<br> "Did you? What will you do if he mails you or sees you."<br> "I'll pretend not to remember him."<br> "You can talk about your new boyfriend."<br> "No. I don't want to even talk to him. I once told him that I would forget him in a week, and I did forget him."<br> "You are sorry that he hasn't replied to you, not because you loved him a lot, but because your pride was hurt, yeah?"<br> "Well, I have to say you're right. I have my pride, you know."</p> <p>I returned home, checked my e-mails...and <em>it</em> has come, which says 'I was going to e-mail you yesterday actually, believe it or not-I know you're very cynical about men-I'm very cynical about women as well. You promised to forget about me.'</p> <p>I was, just, amazed. He didn't make any excuse for not mailing me for a month. He claims that he still wants to come to Japan, but he can't at this moment. After that, lots of questions about me, and three lines about the weather in London and how he thinks about Autumn. </p> <p>It was the longest mail I've ever received from him, and the most ridiculous one. I was about to laugh at it...and felt that I was losing my pride. I'm sorry to say I'll reply to him. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/10/18/an_e_mail_from_london~243159/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:romanlondon.blog.co.uk,2005-10-15:/2005/10/15/being_alone~236739/Roman_EC2005-10-15T19:54:48+02:002005-10-15T19:54:48+02:00 <p>When I went to bed, I felt that something was different from usual. I feel happy when I go to bed these days, not as I used to...however, today was an exception. Suddenly, I felt sad and lonely. One reason could be that I was hungry(I'm on a strict diet), and another reason could be that I didn't see anyone today. I woke up and started to think about it(as I usually do here).</p> <p>Before I went to London, I used to see my friends to have lunch or dinner almost every day. In London, I did that more. Even when I was alone at a cafe or somewhere, strangers often spoke to me and I enjoyed talking with them(this kind of thing hardly happens in Japan because of our custom). Also, I was going out with some guys there, which made me be with someone all the time.</p> <p>Probably I got tired of being with someone. After I returned to Tokyo, I realised for the first time in my life that I wanted to be alone. Really. I almost avoid seeing my friends...however, seems I'm getting tired of being alone this time. What a unstable person I am! I still don't feel like having a boyfriend, though.</p> <p>So...should I eat something to make myself steady, or should I mail some of my friends to make an appointment for next week? Probably I shall do both of them...since I eat and drink a lot when I'm with my friends. Never good for a diet, but must be good for unstable feelings. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://romanlondon.blog.co.uk/2005/10/15/being_alone~236739/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>